2003-06-06 - 3:50 p.m.
just babbling
Consider me in random mode. I suppose because I'm making an entry now that I don't really feel like I've got much to talk about -- least not cohearantly -- rather than, say, last weekend when I thought I had some concepts in some sort of an order, but it was already past 1 and I had to be up so early in the morning for work that sleep was already seeming almost useless if not for the 10hrs+ I'd essentially be on-the-job following.
Bought a CD yesterday through the fault of Sheryl and random coincidence. OK, I bought three CD's yesterday, but I can only pretend to blame Sheryl for one of them. As Consequence I now have the chorus of a song called "The Shining" stuck in my head. And no, it has nothing (as far as I can tell) to do with Stephen King.
I called and left a message on Alan's answering machine. I meant to call him a few weeks ago -- pretty much from when Talcott mentioned that he was back in town. Between work kicking my ass and helping Talcott move, I just now got around to it. So, y'know. That's a good thing. Trying to be in touch with people I haven't seen in forever. Speaking of, I have got to remember to e-mail Dave.
I wrote a poem on Tuesday. First thing I've written in something like two weeks. I rather like it, but I'm growing more unsure about it the farther I progress away from having written it. I'm not sure if this is a me-being-picky thing, or a me-being-unconfident-thing (because that never happens, right?), or if it's actually a "the poem isn't that great, you were just wrapped up in what you were feeling while you wrote it, and anyway you filled with relief at having written anything at all" sort of thing. No, I'm not sharing it here. Don't feel like it. Yes, I am probably being contrary today.
I feel like I should go to town to the drive-through, and see if Crystal is working, and if she is find out what time she's done working, and I can hang out with her and see if she'l agree to listen to me while I get drunk and ramble. I need a drunken ramble, and the people who I can/am willing to do that around are a short list. Made so short by a combination of my ever-present stupid trust thing, and also my theory that it really isn't a very nice thing to do to them. Intend to get drunk so you can ramble at them with a the excuse later that you were drunk and can't be held responsible for anything you might have said. It's a poor excuse, but one I know I'd use in such a situation.
Pfft. Who'm I kidding. Won't happen. I wouldn't want to actually do that to anyone, really. I just think about it now and then.
I've been told that sometimes I'm too vague when I'm writing about what's going on in my head. I wanna address that -- at least in part.
Firstly, a lot of time it's so vague because it's really that vague in my head. Sometimes it's hard for me to peg names to the reactions and thoughts going on. Granted that's only the reason occationally, but it should be mentioned.
Secondly, it's a lot less about what I feel about people knowing who I mean than it is about not being sure if the people I mean would want other people to know that it's them that I mean. That makes a lot more sense in my head. And even when it makes sense, yes I know it's a stupid stupid thing.
And thirdly, I guess I should say that there are a few people who have asked me not to mention them here, or at least not in certain contexts. If I'm in the habit of going vague sometimes, maybe it won't be glaringly obvious that I mean those people when the time comes that I am mentioning something they wanted their name not used with. Actually, I might be ruining that theory just by mentioning it's a reason sometimes for the vagueness -- or at least an excuse for it. If that's the case, I apologize, and hope I'm not inadvertantly breaking my word to anyone.
I wish... All at once, I wish that I was able to just right-this-instant be back in contact with a bunch of people. And at the same time, I almost wish I was somewhere that I didn't know anyone. Maybe then I'd have an excuse for the way I feel sometimes. Or, ironically, maybe then I wouldn't feel the way I do sometimes.
I'm starting to not be making sense again, aren't I? I suppose that's my cue to be done for a while again. Meanwhile the kid on the tv is making an ice-cream snowman. I need to figure out what I'm doing tonight. I had my quiet night in last night. Now I think I need to be doing something somewhere.
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Murrrrrrffff? - 2005-01-04
A Late Review - 2004-09-12
Weekend Update - 2004-08-08
Intermission - 2004-08-07
Rambling or something. - 2004-07-31
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