Howling to an Empty Sky

2003-09-18 - 6:41 p.m.

We'll be Fine in October

Stress. It's just stress. (I say this so you'll know not to take any of this too seriously.) The strain of routine, the general rising dissatisfaction with work. It's stress, and I'll be fine once I've been laid off for the winter. Fine. Absolutely fine.

I'll be free of sleeping so poorly. Free of being convinced I've become some sort of emotional masochist. Free of this odd creeping feeling that I should just take off, disapper, and try to have nothing to do with anyone who knows me that I can possibly avoid. Free of this sort of vague rabbit panic that makes me want to run and run and run, even though I have no idea what it is I'm running from. Or to. Or why.

I'll be free, I tell you. Even if my life doesn't get any less weird, I'll have the time to either think things through until I'm OK with everything, or the time to train myself not to think about them.

I'd say I'd be free to evolve somehow, but into what? And what's the point? I'll never make any of the changes I always think I will.

But it'll be October soon. And I'll be free. It's just stress -- it's all just stress -- and I'll be fine when I'm laid off for the winter.

Maybe I'll spend more time writing again. Then again, writing makes me think. But didn't I used to half-jokingly say that "writing gets the demons out?" Maybe I'll write more. Maybe I'll write less. Maybe I'll finally give up on writing.

I'll take the trip, or I won't. I'll settle everything, or I won't. I'll resolve whatever it is that's leaving me feeling so bloody unresolved lately. Or I won't.

But I'll be fine when it's October. It's just stress.

It's just stress.

I hate stress. I put on weight when under stress.

It's only stress. It's all in my mind. I'm fine, and I'll be fine.

And, should she be reading this, I advise my mother to note I've already said this isn't to be taken too seriously.

I'll be fine in October. It's just stress.

One more week, and I'm free for the winter. That's when the real fun starts.

previous howl next howl

Murrrrrrffff? - 2005-01-04
A Late Review - 2004-09-12
Weekend Update - 2004-08-08
Intermission - 2004-08-07
Rambling or something. - 2004-07-31