2003-10-17 - 12:08 a.m.
just some words
I was just thinking. (No, I didn't hurt myself.) She wants me to come and see her before she has to work tomorrow. I assume this has to do with my payback/reward for playing "hero" via Western Union. As I told Talcott (and he said it should be on a shirt) - "I can accept gratitude gracefully when it comes in the form of affection and beer."
He wants me to come out and go to someone's wedding with him. And I've realized it would be just as much about seeing and hanging out with him as it would be about the chance to venture farther east, if I could steel myself to do it. I hope she wouldn't mind if I visited while I was already out that way.
So you see? I have enough to think about. Enough on my plate. I don't need this threat of impending finantial doom looming over my head.
Yes, it isn't really doom. Yes, if worst did come to worst, I could go grab a job at McD's or EvilMart or somewhere that I could happily stop working for come spring. Or come FruCon, should I otherwise be unable to get that time off.
It's the idea of something destroying the time that was supposed to be about being able to rebuild myself. It's the idea of something providing even the smallest threat to my ability to go to FruCon. It's the fact that this happens just as I convince my mother to at least take over more of my own expenses, and at most possibly be allowed to contribute to paying household expenses, as money looks as though it will be very tight again for a while.
It's being made to feel small and helpless by yet another in the unending series of paperwork mishaps that dog my every step where any form of someone else's bureaucracy holds sway.
I'm being melodramatic again. I realize that. I'm not sure I care at this point.
I thought earlier today that I had a problem -- I've been sleeping more and more hours at a stretch. The two things that sprung to mind were that I was sick, or I was depressed and didn't realize it. Thankfully Talcott reminded me of Stress. After that spring semester at BG, it's a wonder I didn't remember what stress does to my sleep-cycles. Although - as he joked - to be fair, under heavy stress I don't have sleep-cycles. I have wake-cycles. *shakes head* I haven't done the 24-or-more periods of wakefulness between the sleeping stints yet. I suppose that's good. Although in a way it would be less disruptive. I'd hoped to spend a few afternoons writing at Amici this week. No dice.
Now I'll have to set my alarm for 11, as I'm supposed to be in Sandusky noonish. I almost wonder why I do this to myself. Then I realize the near-given that I'll have a good time. Then I'll have enough time to drive on to Amici to enjoy Open Mic Night. (And if I'm quite lucky, there will be plenty of singers. Although the shaking doesn't seem quite as bad when I'm at least reading from the "good" notebook.)
I'm not commenting on Baseball. It held my interest again briefly, but I'll go back to lacking that interest again, I think.
And I've somehow run out of things to say here without having said anything of actual worth. That means it's time to close out the entry.
Though I should remind myself that I've stalled at about 10.
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Murrrrrrffff? - 2005-01-04
A Late Review - 2004-09-12
Weekend Update - 2004-08-08
Intermission - 2004-08-07
Rambling or something. - 2004-07-31
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