2004-06-27 - 11:02 p.m.
right, then. a return to normalcy?
Merf. So I partied last night. Today I mostly spent playing FF-X. Funny thing, that. I actually spent part of my weekend attempting to placate myself with the notion that "oh look, now you've got time to get back to the video games." I suppose that marks me out as some kind of geeky loser or something.
No, actually the "funny" (if not pathetic) part is that - while some excesses are a little more... excessive - this is my life, back to "normal." Friday at Amici, Saturday at the bar, maybe a day's worth of time on the video game console over the weekend. There'd be massive amounts of essentially bored time spent online, too - if my box was connected at the moment, that is.
One month. Three weeks since I realized that since I can't see where the new line is, I'm better off not trying to walk it.
I can't say that "nothing's changed." But I can't say that everything's different, or that I've got some magic new perspective or anything either.
By my realization that this is what used to pass for "normal," I guess that means I'm settling back into my life; that I'm finding the steady path of keeping in some sort of motion. But at the same time... Man, I'm not really in that much different a place. Still feeling out the ragged edges, figuring out just where they are, how much work it'll take to even them back out. Still confused as anything, and unable to escape my self-damning need to "understand."
I know. I'm beating a dead horse here.
Maybe it's because I'm not sure if I'm eager to get to sleep or not looking forward to it.
It's another week. They all bleed together, just like I always used to be used to. It's more like working one long shift that happens to have very long breaks than it's like working a 4-day work week.
Up early tomorrow. Go in. Get rig and co-worker. Drive to job site. Work/sleep/work/sleep/work/sleep/work. Come home and play at having a weekend. Repeat until out of work or out of work-season.
And in fact, as I half-feared, it's later than it should be now.
I must go and sleep. Morning ever comes too early on a Monday.
previous howl
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Murrrrrrffff? - 2005-01-04
A Late Review - 2004-09-12
Weekend Update - 2004-08-08
Intermission - 2004-08-07
Rambling or something. - 2004-07-31
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