2004-07-31 - 9:25 p.m.
Rambling or something.
Well… should I start with the cool mostly-good stuff, or just jump right back into my melodramatic identity/place/ego-or-lack-thereof rambling?
Right, goodish stuff first.
I bought a truck! Well, Mom bought a truck, and I’m supposedly getting a loan from the bank to pay her off in a chunk, so she won’t be out of money and I’ll start establishing a relationship with the bank other than that I keep my money there. But, yeah, I got a truck. It’s a little truck. (I’ve said that I only wanted a big truck or an ikkle truck, and I can’t even afford a very used big truck right now.) A ’95 GMC Sonoma. Black. ‘Tis cute, and the fuzzy skulls that had been hanging in the Dreadnaught look pretty good dangling off its rearview mirror.
Tentatively, the thought of naming is running toward Flagg (as in Randall Flagg from several S.K. bookages). I’d tried out Strider and a few others, but the one that seemed most likely to click with others who’d seen the truck so far (which, admittedly, seems to mostly be Mom at this point) was Flagg. So that’s probably going to be it.
I have a radio/CD player. Whoot. No more deathly silences on drives. I have a truck, and I love the truck. Go me. Or something.
About half of the title/plates nonsense isn’t going to be taken care of until next week, because I’ll be in Washington County again Mon-Thurs (afternoon). But I do have an Andy again this week. I’m not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I won’t be all overly starved for human interaction. On the other hand, I have to go back to considering someone else’s opinion both on what to listen to, and how many hours to work each day. Of course, in the long quiet (well, long lonely musicfest) of last week, I think I probably had entirely too much time to think, and could well blame a lot of that on my mood this weekend.
Yeah, my mood is somewhat persisting. I feel like I’ve somehow lost a part of my identity, but I can’t for the life of me see anything that should feel like it’s missing. It’s like something shifted, but it happened while I was asleep, or looking the other way, and so I can’t see it. Like not getting to have the first picture in one of those “what’s different/changed” puzzles in a kids’ magazine.
I’d almost think that it would help that I was out until quite late at the Woodwards’ last night. (Tom was there too, as was Marianna) We had a jolly time, talked out a few very odd ideas (and very entertaining) that Josh has for future sets at Amici (And some of them include poor Tom. Heh). We were far too amused by our beer bottles. (“Hey Tom, what did you get?” “I have a cheerleader.” *snicker*)
But it wasn’t… I mean… There were four other people, which is about the upper level of my comfort level in terms of being easily able to believe I’m part of whatever’s going on. And it was nice, easy, casual friends/fellow artisans kind of talking. We talked music, and a slight bit about lit. We talked about language/accents. It was very nice. We talked about the upcoming Poets’ mic at Amici. (This Thursday – the 5th – for anyone remotely in the area who might be interested.)
The thing is that what I think I need is a good long one-on-one type talk with someone who kind of gets most of my issues – from as close to an inside perspective as possible. Talcott would do the trick I’m sure, but I’m not sure I want to call and bother him with it. Wormy would also work, but she’s either busy or not feeling like talking much to me lately. Gella would also work, I think, but she’s not online the same times I am very often, and I’m really not sure I want to bother her, either.
Outside chance that m’new friend the bartender Amanda would also be the thing, but she’s much with the busy with numerous things, and as we mostly talk via e-mail… that wouldn’t be very conductive to the type of direct conversation that I think might help me out.
So, I guess I’ll just skulk along and deal myself. *shrugs* No big, right?
Now the question is if I’m going to get myself out to the bar tonight or not. I didn’t get to the Wharf last night because I was at the Woodwards’ until 2ish. And I’m not so sure now about going out tonight. For one thing, it’s more time out in the truck – which, while I certainly don’t expect anything to happen, this would be about the worst (currently, anyway) time for there to be a problem. What with the title/plates/etc not being sorted out all the way yet and all. For another, I’m not sure I’m in a party mood. And while after a time or two of shrugging them off, I’m sure David/Laura/Ruby/etc would leave me be in terms of “not being happy,” it’s usually oddly inevitable that some old drunken fisherman or another will be damned determined to mention ever time he catches sight of me that I don’t look happy, and I should cheer up. Now, sometimes that gets me a free drink. But more often it just ends me up as annoyed as I am… well, not down, but less than up.
Of course, I have a nice new (alright, new to me) truck to celebrate. And I’m certainly not going to do anything at home unless it’s eat too much. Maybe I ought to txt Nichole, and see what she and Michelle are up to tonight.
Although… Orchard Inn has (evidently) been sold, finally, and been turned into a strip club. (Mom said the name is the “Naughty Cat” or something like that.) And I’ve terrible visions of ‘Chole dragging me out there. I somehow had decided that I didn’t have much a problem being “drug” up to Diamonds or Platinum Showgirls or whatever up Toledo way, but for the same capricious reasoning, I suppose, I’m not so sure I want to go to whatever dive of a strip club they’ve probably turned what used to be the Orchard into.
Well, if I go, or not, it won’t be until after 10ish. I usually don’t show up to the Wharf until after 10 on Saturdays anyway. And I don’t quite want to leave before the end of this episode of Big Brother, actually.
I admit it, yeah, I watch Big Brother with something close to regularity. I don’t obsessively watch every ep, and I don’t follow online or anything. But I try to watch the live episode on Thursdays when I can, and if I remember I tune in on the weekend episode too. *shrugs* It’s something.
So, right then. Figure out if I’m going out anywhere. Either go have myself a night at the bar, or maybe go to bed early. Odd choice to make, but those are probably my two most likely outcomes.
So, whatever.
previous howl
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Murrrrrrffff? - 2005-01-04
A Late Review - 2004-09-12
Weekend Update - 2004-08-08
Intermission - 2004-08-07
Rambling or something. - 2004-07-31
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